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Introducing my next painting (new project)

I worked on my next painting this afternoon. I’ve been lacking in creativity because of a few stressful / irritating factors in my environment.My drive tends to come from powerful feelings manifesting in just the right contexts. Lately I’ve been sick of staying at the youth shelter. For the most part, I don’t enjoy the presence of the teens around me.

Still, I put on some music from my phone and ordered something to come out.

I thought of having a grey, yellow and sky-blue background, as a landscape for a series of black stairs. I think I thought of the black stairs at two different times: for the idea of the never ending escalation process to my goals (like steps on a ladder), and again when I played Radiohead’s “15 steps”. I also thought of adding a splash of bright warmth. Lately I noticed that allot of good HD art have cold colors with a splash of warmth. It creates the illusion of a concentrated warmth in a contrasting cold environment, I figure. (

So I poured some colors on the canvas and then poured water on the canvas. This is something I did with a painting I did back in Moncton New-Brunswick:

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I remember now that I had done that painting differently. Either way, I splashed water on the acrylic paint I poured onto the canvas and kept repeating those two steps over the surface of the canvas till it wasn’t quite a series of melts and layers, but a mix of that and a big grey blotch. Since the texture of the canvas was so apparent, and since the color mixes could not be properly channeled with gravity, I proceeded to some glitter I found in the shelter. (They got a big box of crafting/scrap-booking art supplies)

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At that point it was covered in glitter but the clouds weren’t properly spread. I shook it around a bit and then I separated the canvas glitter in half. My paint brush took half the gold off and I mixed the remaining acrylic as much as I could, so that it would look like water. Then I added some orange at the “water line”, in the shape of a mixed heart beat. This is when I was thinking I could have it be divided like a split rock – I don’t indulge in that idea enough.

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I’ve been having the idea of having rings or stripes like a split quartz, but having patterns within each section, like a thin Easter egg layer. I would want it to be as colorful and as complex as some of the many beautiful cloths in books illustrating traditional & modern cloths alike from other countries.

I’m going to keep adding to it. I’d also like to add orange trees if it isn’t overdoing it. I need a way to show some solid 2D eye-candy.

The other painting I was working on is currently in this state:

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Healthy diet food stack — (+ my reasons for being thankful)

Somehow I manage to put these meals together ( :

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Might not look like much, but ( – )

> When I was in a Crisis center in a town called Sainte-Thérèse in Québec, I went hungry all the time from not having the type of foods around that I chose to eat to maintain my sanity in times when I would otherwise go nuts.

I’m not gong to talk about my deal with weight loss / weight maintenance in this article. It’s not something I flaunt, on the contrary. I prefer to keep quiet about my reasons & circumstances leading to these reasons when surrounded by people who’re simply going about their lives and eating whatever they fancy without a filter or even a thought. Still, I very much like to feel like a part of meal-times.

I will however non-shamefully say this.

We generally didn’t gather for food in my family till I was in my early adult years. (when my stay at home in itself was beginning to ‘expire’) We had “things” we could eat in supply. (Cook it yourself or too bad for you kind-of-thing.) It usually wasn’t cooked either, but rather cheap stuff that was to be defrosted or stuffed in the oven or microwave, or re-hydrated in a pot. (ex: Kraft Dinner) — When we did have a meal-time, I appreciated the opportunity to feel ‘normal’, like my friends, schoolmates, teachers, or even my grandmother. (A sense of normality being something valuable to me at the time) I was the one kid in my white-toast (french) school that absolutely loved cafeteria food.

I still feel especially warm about the idea of cooked / repaired meals. I love eating real food & making it for others. They probably enjoy the idea less than I think they do, but no one hates food cooked for them.

Well, I tend to assume so. Actually lots of people are very picky with their foods. My excuse is my diet, but I still don’t understand what other people’s excuses are with being very, very picky about what foods they eat. I encounter this often around me and it puzzles me.

Then there is poverty being the restriction between a person & the ability to feed themselves.

Just a few months ago back in Montreal, the people I was living with were too poor to afford any food sometimes. It wasn’t uncommon for us to give out our last supplies of canned this-or-that out of sympathy for our fellow starving human being.

Moving on, though! My point is a positive one.

I’m not proud of all the reasons why, but I do very much appreciate a meal. When this youth center serves foods I can’t touch, things people take for granted, like say, pasta — I am often overwhelmingly thankful for the opportunity to be supplied with the ingredients to make my own meals. I take picture of this stuff like a full-out god damn hipster. This stuff is gold. I am still not used to full access to fruits and vegetables!

IT’S BEAUTIFUL! SO MUCH GOODNESS PACKED INSIDE idjcndidjdndidjdhdbxud

Very very thankful.

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Brief trip to Munchkin-land (own your shit)

Today Bleepman and I woke up at 6:30am to bring our fine asses to this free amusement parc outing for Phoenix youth. I thought I’d make up for being the most emotional person in the universe by bringing him to something potentially fun or funny. It’s apparently rewarding to be in my presence when an unordinary experience has me flailing about in randomness.

As it turns out, Phoenix youth is mostly young. (Derpy derp, wat m8) It is also treated like a high school classroom, as most of it’s yewts’ seem to be around 15 to 16 years of age. (We are 22 & 23) We’d gotten driven 2.5 hours away in a bus full of yanky-doodling noodle-butts. (No h8)(just not our flaming cup of cheese-tea)

Also, the amusement parc itself was for kids. (Haha, shit) – With only 2 rides slightly worthy of causing fear, I decided to relieve Bleepman of being the bored gentleman accompanying little miss smurfette & her poorly chosen activities.

I’m gonna be straight forward the way that young women like to indulge in – (direct and to-the-selfishly-exposed-point) – man, first thing I actually wanted to do was find the deepest bunch of trees to f*ck in. When your choice of surroundings is either a hand full of pumped (&well-paid) Youth Workers, Hyperactive teens or the many little Potato-lings running about below your hip level, I tell you what you do, I say go find a nice hidden place to have (nomadic coital activity).

& Then I found an abandoned zoo destroyed by a hurricane.

(Yes, I did.)

& on the 7th day we rested, & it was good.
(Distasteful bible quote-ing this bitch)

In the (tiny) ferris wheel, I very much enjoyed the feeling of slight ground-bound acceleration. Mostly I enjoyed the idea that if I were reading a book or doing homework in the seat I was in and this wheel was running for hours while I was in my bubble, it might feel like an acid trip. (Not that I would know)(You can claim anything on the internet in the good name of why not compare an experience to that of commonly known psychedelic drugs)

We also visited this beautiful beach in other outer-bounds. We sat there smoking cigarettes a passing someone kindly gave us upon enquiry.

I have to stop and say this was a beautiful, beautiful area. Hours from home, the trip there had been nothing but country land. Ocean horizon & dense forests carpeted about upon different levels, for the most part. Some farmers’ lands & houses every now and again. But for the most part – the open natural Canadian space, slight spray (rain) & dense white fog was beautiful and worthy of many pictures I couldn’t take. (My cellphone was dead)

So we sat there, smoked, then I sketched what I could see as quickly as I could, despite the lack of esteme I rightfully did and do have for my landscape sketching techniques. When you look at it generally though, the sketch at the top of this post isn’t half bad as a souvenir photo-replacement.

Also had time to quickly draw a dead crab shell:
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More and more, I’m loving anything related to the ocean. The view, the aquatic life. I also happen to adore seafood. (Being broke & being gaga for seafood in Nova Scotia is admittedly kind of a shame) I like that I drew this, even if it isn’t nearly as nice at all as the finely detailed deadling actually in front of me on that ground.

Picked up a few little white seashells & trailed back, also picking up rocks and flowers. The lot of these natural freebies have been being kept for my window ledge. Most of them made it safe, having been dropped out of the front pocket of my overalls. (When a girl’s gotta pee)

(When I* gotta pee)

In the bus home, I snuck Bleepman a cookie that was offered to me by a Youth Worker (distributing a large batch, home-baked by his mom — for the group)(awww). Then I read a chapter of this book:
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(About the cultural tendencies of happiness in some of the supposed statistically-happiest countries in the world)

Fell asleep on the chair next to Bleepman while he read his own book.

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When I got home, someone left these roses for me on my dresser. It wasn’t Bleepman, but we think it’s this one fella that’s really nice to us, particularly my emo-self. When times are tough, he asks what’s up and takes me out for a smoke if he can. I used to sneak him snacks & painted him a note of kindness when some pricks were picking on him for watching anime.

A little sad Bleepman went to bed early. They steal our things in this shelter. They steal things in many shelters, but they do this every opportunity here. That, or someone’s got a paranoid & baseless grudge against us. Not speaking of this further – my point being, I ended up alone tonight, for the greater good of my not being exposed to such frustrations. I am a very sensitive dory-fish. Easily frightened. Even if all is good, I don’t like being suddenly alone.

On the bright side, my first video & twitter account are receiving some positive attention. Half-tempted to devote tomorrow to some intensive networking (internet-whoring)(not in the literal sense and not at all as bad as I make it sound) – that is, sending out attention & hunting allies to cooperate with on this vast intertubes-al area, so’s we can all get our part in. (Imagine a bazillion vultures)

On another bright side, I’m going to sleep in a new little dress a young girl lodging along with us on the ladies’ level offered me. It didn’t fit her and she thought I might like it. A cute, simple, flowy little frock. Feeling a little porcelain

Goodnight
(Woah – more twitter notifications? Gee, this is nice)

Well, while I’m at it, would anyone like to ad me on Twitter? If you’d like a follow-back, just mention your twitter username in the comments.

Thank you, & again, goodnight

– Gabrielle

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1st Vlog vid: “new, young & broke in HALIFAX (Gaby’s lucid dream Art)”

In this video I sum up a poor traveller’s first impression of Halifax 3 weeks into arriving.

• Favorites / subscriptions are an appreciated help, my motivation being as fickle as a USB wire connected to a phone with a broken port. (You ever hear those things? Glitching connect/reconnect alternations in really annoying notification sounds practically skrillex-ing in self-battling waves?

I admit I may be a little pessimistic with some of these statements. Sometimes I use negative humor as a positive form of social-adhesive.

I aim to post 1 video/week. Seeing that I’m starting out it might take a little while for me to get the habits involved going on a regular & predictable basis, but this is my aim & try I continuously shall.

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Thingie

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Finally after an hour and a half of fidgeting about as much IRL as across the intertubes and my phone, I may begin to type. It’s been several months since I’ve written anything like what I am going to be indulging in writing tonight. A Journal-style blog post, regardless of how interesting my life may or may not be. This shit’s only measurable in comparison anyway. Oh so much has been learned and absorbed in these past months. How’s about starting with skipping the part about feeling SO BLOODY UNWORTHY OF PUBLIC SPEAKING.

Fok y’all.

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(woah. WordPress is awesome)

Skipping the part about being unworthy however shall not excuse me from the threat of eventually writing more than I do live, nor does it excuse me from the very real threat of climbing up top a high horse. (well, I could install an imaginary elevator in the horse’s mid-section. That way I could sit in there comfortably in a glass cylinder with 24 hour access to the ground and back if I so please) – on that note, buckle your seat belts, the ADD thought-path train is going to be a bumpy ride.

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(And it has already begun) (All hail memes and the desensitization of universally understated copyright infringement) (Shhh)

Note: My boyfriend, let’s call him something other than his real name – henceforth he shall be referred to as Bleepman. Pronounced as if it were a Jewish family name. (- – he’s a tall strong redsky native dude, no ethnic pun here) I do want to make mentions of Bleepman. Bleepman is mention-worthy.

Bleepman and I have been here for 2 weeks 1/2. We arrived in a train, it was lovely. That was then, this is now. We’ve been staying at a (~~ reknown) Youth Center (~~~~~) near down town Halifax (near the ocean!) (kk whatever).

(look, it’s just that ocean water is stinky. Don’t get me wrong, I keep seashells from the shore on my bedside window. uch love the the vastly outwards extending water)(that smells like slightly rotten seafood)(the slightly detail makes it confusing when you’re really hungry, and you, like me, love seafood with a hungry passion)

Bleepman has spent every day with me since we got here. Back in New-Brunswick, I was in tears of panic at the idea of not being able to lodge with him. Well, he heard me out. Put a plan together so that we may immediately move into a room of our own. What happened to that plan is that I heard him out – this happens with us allot. (man, we hear each other out) In a nutshell, I saved him and us months of hastle by volunteering to select the alternative – a shelter.

This is not a shelter – this is a pleasant surprise! This is creme-de-la-creme lodging if you know how to compare one eventuality to another, as a homeless individual. (homeless human being, don’t be racist, people are animals too)

And now for a random food photo, jyuss cause I’m a flaming hipster, underground enough not to even have to apply a filter. Feast your eyes:

image > We are fed. We are fed allot – as much as we like for that matter. More specifically, I am fed. Diet food. For my dieting fetish. (fap fap fap)

I am a diet freak and I get to eat. (the fetish bit was sarcastic you sick Japanese fucks)(Pardon my french)(I am* French)

Today I asked to put veggies in a blender. They took the thing out for me, showed me how to use it and extracted as many different kinds of fruit or vegetable from the fridge as they could gather. We added water, salt, pepper, soya sauce… Oh my jesus on a cracker. I had ham and freshly mixed cold-soup. I did I did!!!!

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(thank you google images, you’re cool. You make me cool.)

And because I feel like it, here’s summing up backwards and then forwards again. Time order is decidedly over-rated here. Back to post-breakfast pictures & beyond: (it makes sense to me)(you’re in MY house)

(I don’t have a house)

(pseudo-homeless with a roof on my head) Okay, let’s go:

THESE NUTS

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A few construction workers. What is interesting about this photo? Nothing much other than Bleepman and I enjoying poops and giggles at how stand-by 75% of them were. It’ seemed like a floc of managers throwing a stare-at-the-others manager party, actively doing nothing but seemingly that.

” Yep – lookin’ good ”

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We walking into a mall when the heat was difficult to bare. This print of a watercolor painting caught my attention. I like that the wording is in modern slang. This little girl evoked personality familiarity in me. (so deep)

No really, though. I thought it was cute. (fuck the poe-leece, fuck them gov’ment)(oppose authoritah)(Hello, I’m shy)

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Took a few pictures and videos of the glass part of a glittery lava lamp. Those glitters were swirling so beautifully I couldn’t resist!

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Walking down town where the buildings get bigger and the ocean is nearer, a little farther than where the richer folk had their lunches and fancy iced-this-and-that slushy smoothy frappuccino drinks or whatnot (beyond the froufrou) there was this Piano. I don’t know anything about Pianos but I (am) learning the ukulele. This has been helping me understand music a little better. I sat at this thing and played a few notes, listening to coordinate them with each other in match with a couple tunes in my head. The sound was beautiful – it was allot more similar to a music box sound than the piano at my grandmother’s place back in Montreal. Her’s was plain and black, like something made and purchased recently. This thing looks old.

If anyone knows anything about pianos, feel free to show off in the comments. I’d like to hear about it.

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Two pigs decos. They look like they’re fighting. (I was betting on the white one)(royalty can suck these nuts)

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Me wearing my favorite dress. It’s an indian-style dress that Bleepman gifted me shortly after we’d met, in Moncton (N-B). I love this dress allot. It was sold in a booth as part of a cultural even on Main street. (the main street)(am I supposed to mention that?) – couldn’t get a website or store location out of the woman who sold it to us. It seemed to be that small a business that they mainly did events.

Hm. I’m kinda brown.

(…)

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Something I doodled while asking for change last night. It was allot of fun because I really needed an escape. That’s the thing about doodling, hunh. It helps.

Got some strange questions about the process. One guy asked me if there was a negative at the back of the page. Okay, there are no stupid questions, kinda. (respect) But – why so specific? I did enjoy the pertinent question of whether or not it involved symmetry. (well, the same bright fella asked me if it was symmetrical) (iiiiit’s okay, I’m leaving the benefit of the doubt to the artistically challenged eye – but no, you know. It’s not symmetrical.)(.) > I explained to him however that almost every part of it was it’s own symmetry, in a way. Hadn’t quite realized that about what I like to draw until then. The little parts have symmetry lines, but they differ in the asymmetries that allow them to flow into each other and evolve.

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Bleepman saw that my dieting was putting me down. Being mocked about how abnormal my food concoctions seemed at the dinner table was a giggle’s worth at first but it put me in a mope on second thought. He suggested we watch a movie. (purring kitten Gaby was pleased) I picked Mockingjay part1 – or the password for the sleep function in Bleempan’s brain. Nothing puts this man to sleep in a public environment. (in this case, the youth center living room) This movie did, though.image

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Made him this collage for when he’d wake up.

= = =

That’s all for today. It’s 2:01am, I will be woken up at 8am as per usual on week days. (oh well) – Already looking forward to coffee and garlic/herb cream cheese English muffins. My butt is soar from sitting where my pillow goes.

Goodnight
– Gaby

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